Today (Monday, Dec 20) I go in for a total knee replacement surgery and I’m questioning that decision. What questions should I have asked that I didn’t? Maybe I don’t really need this? Maybe my life would’ve been fine without it?

I’ll never know because it’s 5 AM and I’m at the hospital, reporting for surgery!

Week 1

The surgery went well, no surprises or mishaps and, incredibly, took very little time. As they roll me into recovery I feel nauseous, but no worries – there’s meds for that.

The surgical leg is wrapped in an Ace bandage and an ice machine is kept on the knee 24 hours a day to reduce swelling. The staff is taking good care of me, making sure I have meds every four hours and I convince The Fixer to go home and rest. After a nap, I wake up starving, order lunch, and then nap again until dinner. Again, I wake up starving! Healing must take a lot of calories!

I’m kept very comfortable throughout the night and the next day I eat two more meals before being discharged. I’m nauseous at times, but as long as they give me meds for it, I’m fine.

The nurses have had me up to walk and go pee and everything is going well. They remove the Ace bandage and I’m left with a surgical bandage over the incision. My surgeon used glue so there are no stitches! The bandage can get wet so I don’t have to worry about bathing. The Fixer comes to pick me up and we’re headed home.

They’ve sent home the ice machine. It’s a great tool to reduce swelling. It looks like a six pack cooler with a tube attached and a velcro pad. You strap the pad around the knee and the cooler circulates ice water through the pad. Much more convenient than ice packs!

I’ve also been instructed to wear compression hose to help reduce swelling and prevent blood clots.

Purchase compression hose a size or two up than normal since your leg is swollen

I was nervous about squishing my sausage leg into that hose! But the Fixer helps me and everything seems ridiculously easy. I’m using the walker to get around the house and taking my meds on schedule. My meds at this point are:

• Oxycodone – for pain
• Hydrocodone – for pain
• Celecoxib – for inflammation
• Methocarbymol – muscle relaxer
• Baby aspirin – for blood clots

So far, so good!

I have a feeling of fullness and realize I haven’t had a bowel movement since the day before surgery.  I’m a big proponent of a high fiber diet with fresh vegetables from the garden and I take a daily probiotic, and psyllium husk supplement. I’m very “regular”! But I figure it’ll get back to normal now that I’m home. I take two psyllium husk and 1 probiotic supplements. After napping I wake up and am feeling very nauseous.  I don’t eat dinner and I go to sleep thinking the nausea will go away with rest. 

The next day I’m feeling very sick.  I have a horrible fullness in my gut and I’m nauseous. I need to have a bowel movement but it’s not happening.  The Fixer had recently had radiation therapy for prostate cancer and had some enemas in the medicine cabinet.  I’d never used one and don’t know what to expect.  The instructions say to lay on your side after inserting, but my swollen surgery leg won’t let me lay on my side, only flat on my back.  I lay on the bed with my walker beside ready to get me to the bathroom asap!

And nothing happens

The enema didn’t work. Now I’ve got this blockage of hard bowel movement! I start feeling panicked.  I’m scared I’ll have to go to the ER to have this taken care of and I just can’t imagine the pain it will cause for my knee/leg.

I decide to try another enema and this time I get some relief. Hopefully rest and fiber will take care of the rest by tomorrow.

And thus starts my post-surgery constipation trauma.

My knee is doing fine, but, all I can think of is getting relief from this stomach problem

I have my first PT scheduled this morning, but I’m so nauseous I can barely focus.  The PT says they can get me a Zofran prescription for the nausea but I turn it down thinking, once I have a bowel movement, I’ll be fine. I don’t want to add another medication. We get back home and I’m miserable.  I can’t eat.

The surgeon calls to check on me and he asks if I’ve had a bowel movement.  I tell him what’s happening, and he says to take a laxative and a stool softener.  He prescribes the Zofran. It’s critical I stay on the meds so I can focus on rehabbing the knee, but they’re making me so sick.

The Fixer gets me more meds and laxatives.  It all helps but something’s still not right.  I focus on trying to eat nutritious, high fiber foods, but I can’t seem to get my digestion back to normal.

Christmas day comes and I had hoped to be feeling well enough for family but I don’t really want to see anyone. 

The weather’s been beautiful- hot even. I walk outside on the patio with my walker.  I think about my gardens and the hope of better days ahead. The Fixer’s trying to keep up my garden chores for me and I can’t wait to take over.

After short visits with the kids and gift exchanges I mostly rest all day.  I’m not feeling like I’m on the path to a speedy recovery. 

This stomach’s got to be fixed but I don’t know how to fix it.

Week 2

I’m hoping week two will be a major improvement , my stomach will return to normal and I can focus on knee rehab.  The Fixer has been monitoring my meds and keeping me on track. The meds now are:

• Hydrocodone – for pain
• Celecoxib – for inflammation
• Methocarbymol – muscle relaxer
• Baby aspirin – for blood clots
• Miralax – laxative
• Colace – stool softener

The Fixer’s made a spreadsheet to manage the meds.  He says we’re almost out of Hydrocodone which kind of scares me because I don’t think the pain has lessened that much, but I thought if the prescription has run out, it’s because they don’t want me to take them anymore. When the prescription ran out for the Oxycodone, I was done with it.

Once I took that last pill though, I had a really rough night. I can’t sleep, I’m super restless and in pain. My legs twitch and my back aches.  I go to recliner and turn on tv.  Still can’t sleep.  I can’t get comfortable.  I try to go back to bed.  No sleep. Try reading but my eyes don’t want to focus.  I need sleep! At 3Am I go back to recliner and watch remodeling shows for hours!  My brain will not shut off. Finally around 5 AM I drift off. 

The next day I try a shower and hope to get my mind off stomach problems and onto knee, but I’m in pain.

I was supposed to call to get my Hydrocodone refill

I have PT late afternoon and I’m told I was supposed to call in for a refill on the hydrocodone.  I’m both relieved and mad.  I’m relieved that I can still have pain medication but mad that I didn’t realize I have to call in each time to renew the prescription.  I thought if the prescription was out, then they expect me to be done with pain pills!

I white-knuckle my way through PT, knowing that we can leave and pick up pain meds as soon as I’m through.

Everything seems to hinder us from picking up that prescription!  We went to wrong pharmacy and there were other delays.  I truly thought I couldn’t go another minute without some pain meds. I’m starting to get a bad headache. Finally, I take a pill. By the time we get home I’m feeling much better.  The Fixer picks up dinner for us and I eat well and feel good.  I promised myself I’ll never do that to me again!

If I need pain meds, I have to speak up and tell the right people I need them!

I sleep well for awhile but wake up in the night.  The headache’s back and it’s bad.  I feel like I’m getting a migraine. 

I wake the next day with a pounding headache.  And more nauseousness.  The fixer brings me water and saltines.  I take meds and stay bundled in chair.  I call doctor’s office and ask if I can take my migraine medication, Imitrex, with the other meds.

I’m scared to take one more medication!

Doctor says Imitrex is ok, but I ride it out.  The headache comes in waves pounding in my skull then disappears.  I get up and walk around with walker.  I go outside.  It’s rained and the air smells good and feels good on my face.  I see ranunculus coming up in the front flower bed.

I think of the promise of beautiful gardening days ahead 

Like an on/off switch, I suddenly feel great!  I’m hungry and it’s lunch time.  The Fixer heats up a meal for me and makes a green salad from the garden tower.  There are a few cherry tomatoes still and everything tastes amazing! 

I decide a shower is in order, but first I dry brush my skin, avoiding the incision site.

Dry brushing is a tool to get your circulation going and your lymphatic system pumping

The physical therapist has removed the bandage.  I’m in awe at the ease of the surgery, no sutures and the bandage that can get wet! But I’m repulsed at the thought of looking at the incision. I didn’t look at it when they took the bandage off and I sneak a look directly at it now.  I don’t find it as repulsive now, but my eyes won’t linger there.

The shower chair provided by my insurance is wonderful. I’m more independent with it and can linger in a hot shower.

I wash my hair three times! 

A stylist once told me the body sheds sickness through hair follicles. You feel so much better when you wash all that gunk off! 

I’d noticed an odor since coming home from the hospital.  I thought at first that was what was making me nauseous.  There was an odor that I couldn’t escape, and I thought something had died in the kitchen!  After a day or two, I realized it was me!

I was the source of the smell, and it was awful

Each day when I did my PT exercises, I would reek afterwards. I never did figure out why this happened.  It wasn’t something I’d ever noticed before.  I bathed and changed pajamas every day and by the end of the day the smell would be back.  I wondered if it could be a side-effect of the codeine?

What it really smelled like was trauma

I’m sure that doesn’t make much sense, but I kept thinking about the phrase “you could smell the fear on them” and it was the smell of trauma to me.  It lessened each day and by the time I got off a lot of the meds, I couldn’t smell it anymore.

The surgery has messed my gut bacteria up and I really want to take the probiotics to get back on track, but I’m not sure I should. I continue this cycle of feeling good then horrible as I try to find the right combination of stool softener/laxative that will allow me to eliminate without an enema.

Week 3

I’m feeling frustrated by my lack of progress.  I’m going to PT twice a week and doing the exercises at home.  I remind myself that my body’s been through a lot and to be patient. 

Being alert, feeling ok and having a good appetite all day is progress. 

My surgeon calls again to check on me and apologized for the confusion about the pain meds. Honestly, they probably told me I needed to call, but I just forgot. I really appreciate that my Dr. has made himself available by phone or text. 

This week finds me getting into a routine. I still have a lot of nagging sort of pain. It makes my legs restless. I rely on the pain meds to relax me and help me sleep, but then I have more stomach problems.

The PT sessions are harder, but each time I can feel myself get so much stronger. The Fixer’s been such a wonderful helper.  He helps me pick Chinese Mustard and Bok Choy and Arugula for my salads at lunch and diligently covers those veg beds if it’s going to freeze.  I know he’s getting tired of it but he doesn’t complain.  He’ll need to get back to work soon.

On New Year’s Eve I had a rough night.  I couldn’t get comfortable.  The ice machine seemed to be tugging and pulling my leg, I finally doze off, but then the dogs started barking and whining at the bedroom door.  I thought they were upset at fireworks. 

I finally drift off to sleep and the next day we woke up to dog diahrea!  One of them had been sick in the night and had pooped everywhere!  The Fixer had to clean it all up himself as I was in no condition to help, nor could I bend down to do it.  The smell was making me so sick and my headache was coming back. 

I take Imitrex and try to go back to sleep.

This cycle of stomach problems is wearing me down. I can’t seem to get “normal”. I’ll have a good couple of days and then get really sick again.  I’m relying on enemas because the laxative gives me stomach cramps.  I’m trying to eat smaller amounts at each meal.  But when I feel good, I’m ravenous.  I’m wondering if it might be a better idea not to eat high fiber with this going on?  Maybe I should try smoothies, since the Vita Mix sort of pre-digests the food for you. 

I have no idea what the appropriate post-surgery-sensitive to medications diet should be

I go to bed feeling bloated and crampy – not good.

Week 4

 As predicted I had a horrible night.  I couldn’t get comfortable. The bloating and gas consumes my body.  Got back up and watched remodeling shows for hours til I fell asleep.  

I’m pretty sure I could professionally flip houses now.

I’m really worried about this constipation and stomach cramping. If only I could find a balance.

Is there a post-surgery diet protocol for people sensitive to meds?  Are some enemas okay and others bad? I don’t feel up to research right now. 

I have pt tomorrow and I’m anxious that lack of sleep and nausea is keeping me from healing.

Eventually, I consult Dr. Google and apparently this is a thing – called OIC – Opioid Induced Constipation.  It can be very serious.  Thank you google – at least now I don’t feel so foolish and embarrassed.  I wish I’d known about this in the beginning.

I would’ve treated it aggressively and talked to my medical care team about it

OIC actually causes the systolic action in your bowel to cease functioning properly.  The property of the medication that shuts down pain, shuts down systolic action in some people.  Not everyone gets it.  The info was confusing who gets it and how to treat it.  Some say eat lots of fiber and take fiber supplements.   But if your function to push the waste out isn’t working, that’s going to be a problem!  Pain medication also causes the stool to be very hard and dry, so stool softeners and lots of water are good ideas.  Stool softeners alone aren’t going to work and a laxative must be used in conjunction with it.  So, I started taking smaller doses of the laxative. Too much gives me stomach cramps.

Small victory this week – I’m able to wear my slip on sneakers on both feet.  The swelling has really receded in my ankles and feet.  PT says I’m at 90 degrees flexion and my incision is looking great.

I think the dry-brushing is really helping with the incision and swelling. 

This week I’m noticing how sore my calf is.  I can barely do calf stretches it hurts so much. The dry brushing really helps it feel better.

I’m getting better at balancing the stomach meds, but now I’m really anxious to get off the opiates (hydrocodone) so I can get my digestion back to normal.

I need to give in to the up and down of healing and not push myself so hard

One day I was trying to take a morning nap and as soon as I start to drift off, Tasha decides that Boris and I need to be up playing.  She barked at us both and spun around in the living room until I couldn’t even attempt sleep.

I got up and dry brushed and showered and put off trying to nap again til afternoon.  Later, I see Tasha sound asleep on the couch.  I feel like yelling in her face!

Make sure you have someone to help you with your pets!

Week 5

I’m so ready to be functioning again! the Fixer has gone back to work and I want to get my old routine back. Still a constant cycle of digestion problems. I can’t believe how much of my struggle with this surgery has focused around constipation and nausea.  How my day goes is totally influenced by my gut health. I can’t wait to get off pain meds and get my diet back on track.  The garden plays such an important role in getting me there.

I’m feeling really blah today and having some sharp pain in my knee. Depression sinks on me as I fret about the garden.

Monday is my office workday and I need to get the bookkeeping caught up. Later, I decide to hobble up to garden and see if I can do anything.  It’s hard.  I take the walker and the cane so I can get around better.  There are plants that need to be watered and planted as they’re outgrowing their pots but I don’t know when I can do that. The cukes I had going in pots have succumbed to powdery mildew.

I look under the frost cloth outside.  The peas have frozen.  My carrot seedlings desperately need water but I’m unable to drag the hose over.

I hobble back down to my bookkeeping.  I’m really depressed.  I thought the plants would keep me motivated, but my inability to work with them has me down.

I actually fix a simple dinner tonight and as I was prepping it, I think of the progress I’ve made.  I’m standing here fixing dinner after all!

I decide my depression is just Monday blues and it feels good to have something seem normal.

I’m using the cane more now instead of the walker and PT is getting more challenging.

My PT tech is doing deep massage on my calves and hamstrings.  Ouch!  It hurts so much but is helping those muscles relax. 

I had no idea how knotted up and tense the muscles are. 

Layer by layer, things are starting to improve

This week I had to go to the VA hospital to have two scheduled mris done on my back and elbow.  I’ve been waiting momths for these appointments, so I wasn’t about to reschedule, but what a grueling day.  The tech was great and understanding but it was still hard.  It took forever for one thing.  Waiting in a public waiting room isn’t the same as being at home in your chair!

I watched as an older man in a wheel chair tried to make the mri technician understand him about his pacemaker.  They had to get it turned off and this particular tech wasn’t very patient with the patient!  Finally, another person from the hospital came in to advocate for the patient and they got it done.  It made me realize how important it is to have support and someone to advocate for you. 

I’m so thankful for the Fixer!

When I finally got taken to mri I was tired and hungry and had to change into gown and lay flat on my back on mri table.  Easy peasy when youre not four weeks post-surgery. I’ve had a few mri’s and they’ve never bothered me, but as my pain meds started wearing off and my tiredness set in, it played with my mind in a weird way.  I started panicking about halfway through.  You can do this Dina.  The noises start to get to me.  My brain starts a free-fall into panic, the obnoxious loud sounds are torture.  I come so close to hitting the panic button, but it’s almost over and we need these images!

Finally the voice comes over the microphone – we’re done!

She tells me the elbow will be harder and she wants me to lay on my stomach.  I can’t do that with my swollen knee.  She decides we can do the mri if I can hold my arm over my head for 30 minutes.  The mri doesn’t feel as claustrophobic since I don’t have to go as far back into the tunnel, but once the machine sends me back my brain immediately returns to thoughts of torture and panic. I know I have to get my mind to do something else.

I decide to count 30 minutes.

This works well.  My brain gets busy with the task of keeping time.  Sometimes the noises are so loud I lose count but I tell myself it’s ok and start over. 

My arm is numb and I don’t think it can stay still much longer

Somewhere between 20-25 minutes I start to panic again.   The blood flow’s completely cut off!  But we’re so close! I somehow miraculously make it til I hear her sweet voice on the microphone saying we’re done!

The ordeal is over and I take meds and get lunch.

I’ve noticed the more stomach issues I’m having and the more trauma I feel, the worse my diet is getting. I know that will create a cycle of misery and I need to stop with the breads and sugar, but my brain’s becoming a five year old.

I want ice cream!

The worse my diet gets, the more inflammation I have. The more pain, the more I need pain meds. It’s a vicious cycle.

I know this is two steps forward and one back. I’m making progress, but in reality I don’t want to accept that. 

I want to push myself into two steps forward no steps back and that’s just not going to work.

I tell myself it’s ok.  In just a few weeks I’ll feel almost normal! 

But for today it’s back to pain meds every four hours, using the walker and lots of icing.

Week 6

PT is getting harder which is good because I’ll get stronger.  Still having major muscle knots in the thigh.  PT says it’s the body’s way of protecting the joint.  It’s suffered major trauma so the muscles around it tighten up to block off access!

They put me on the medieval torture device this week designed to increase your knee flexion.  You’re in a chair like a car with a gas pedal in front.  There’s an arm that pumps your foot closer to your body bending your knee.  The beginning point is where you feel a gentle stretch.  Then every 1 minute, you give it a full pump so it brings your knee closer. You do this for five minutes and it’s torture by the time you get to the end.  But it works and my flexion improves.

I got the okay to start scar therapy which means the incision is healed enough to start working on reducing the appearance of the scar. Using an oil, you work it gently up and down and back and forth. This will flatten the scar over time.

I chose a good CBD cream for this purpose. 

Massaging the CBD cream into the scar feels so good after drybrushing.

I’m using a tool called a Fascia Blaster to massage the muscles surrounding the knee that are so tight and knotted. This is really helping break up those knots.

I finally feel I’ve turned a corner.  I can walk around the house without a cane although my leg’s really tired by evening.  I’m backing off the opiate pain medication and taking regular OTC Tylenol when I can. I’m not completely off opiates, because I want to give myself the grace to take them if needed.  Taking one before bed helps calm my leg and lets me sleep.

I’m still needing an enema occasionally and having embarrassing side effects from enemas, laxatives and stool softeners. I never know when I might need to race to the bathroom.  And racing isn’t easy when you’ve just had a joint replacement!

I’ve been eating a lot of sugar and flour which I know aren’t good for inflammation, but I don’t seem to want my normal daily salads.  Should I just trust my body and eat the calorie-dense, inflammation causing foods? Or am I just craving comfort foods?

Needing a big meal, I made a chicken tetrazzini for dinner which about killed me from standing so much, but wow it tasted so good and my stomach did seem to settle afterwards, so maybe that’s just what I need right now.

I have to remind myself that now’s the time to heal.  Diet control can come later

Tomorrow’s a big day – going to attempt a family outing – pizza with the grandkids.  I’m excited to see them but nervous about someone accidentally whacking my leg! It’ll be so good to see the kids again!

Week 7

The outing was fantastic!  It was a sunny day and we were able to let the kids play on the lawn outside pizza place for a while. There were a few anxious moments where I had to guard my knee, but nothing serious. 

What surprised me was how exhausted I was afterwards.  I’ve no idea why that made me so tired?  It seems like I do more activity than that at home.  Maybe it’s the energy of conversation? The energy required of triplet 4 year olds? I don’t know but it did my soul good to be with the kids and it did my body good to have a good nap afterwards!

Pain has an Aura

Covid ruined my sense of smell. I can smell some things, but not others. But some things have a smell aura.  I know they are something with a smell, but I can’t quite tell what it is.

Pain is like that.  It has an aura, a feeling of restlessness.  It’s like a discomfort but more than that. It sneaks up on me gradually, so I’m unprepared and don’t take anything for it.  It’s not until I’m really in the midst of it all and can’t settle down, that I’m reminded to take pain meds.

Stay ahead of your pain

I’m conflicted about the opiates.  I worry if I try to get off them, I’ll get “behind the pain”. I don’t like taking any meds long-term, but I’ve decided to use Tylenol to stay ahead of the pain and, hopefully, prevent it from getting bad enough to need an opiate.

The Fascia Blaster tool is really helping break up the tension in muscles.  A 3” band of knotty, hard tissue circles above the knee.  At first it was the entire quad muscle that was knotted and I didn’t notice the band ,but now that the quad is calming down, the layer closer to the knee is the problem.  All those muscles and tendons are working so hard to overcome the trauma of the surgery, but they’re also reshaping themselves to the new corrected leg. 

No wonder I get so tired.  Everything has to work in new ways and re-build.  Let your body rest and do its thing!

Nutrition is vital for this task.

The time for indulgence in flour and sugar is over.

I’m still having some nights where I don’t rest well so getting naps during the day is important. 

We’re pushing pretty hard at PT.  I know all this will be worth it later!

Things that make me feel really good now are PT – getting everything stretched and worked out, the shower, massage and just some good old fashioned self-care.

I have occasional moments where I walk around and forget that surgery happened.  They don’t last long, but it’s a glimpse into the future!

It’s time to get more serious about my home PT.  I’ve been able to do the basic home exercises while still in pjs, sitting on my bed, but it’s time to move out and set up an exercise area.  I don’t want this whole thing to be for naught which is what will happen if I don’t continue to strengthen my knees and body.

It’s time to get fit for gardening and coming soon – travel!

At PT, I’m doing full rotations on the bike and started working on stairs. 

Also, I’ve asked about driving.  The Fixer is still having to drive me to all PT sessions.  I’m ready for some independence and to give him his life back!

That’s all encouraging, but I still alternate days of feeling very positive and will this ever end?  I don’t want to feel like I just had surgery anymore.  My leg is always very stiff and I’m very aware of the trauma it’s undergone.  It seems like the rest of my life will be about this leg!

But with every stage it’s felt like that – like it’ll never be different.  And then it’s suddenly gone, like magic!

I’m ready for some magic!

Weeks 8-12

Weeks 8-12

These four weeks saw PT ramping up with harder weights and a harder home routine.  I still have lots of days of stiffness where I wonder if it’ll ever be normal combined with really good days. 

I’m driving now and that was a super-easy transition. I was afraid of not being able to shift my foot from gas to break pedal, but it wasn’t a problem.

I’m off the pain meds but occasionally take Ibuprofen.  My digestion is slowly getting back on track as I eat healthier!  I’m able to take psyllium husk and my trusty daily probiotic.  I never want to go through the pain of poor digestion again! 

The flour and sugar habit has been really tough to kick!  I’m allowing myself more time though.  There’s still a big part of me that wants to eat like a five-year old! Especially when things hurt and when I’m frustrated with the progress. I know that’s emotional eating and it’ll only make things worse, but that’s a tough sell when you’ve been through a trauma. I’ll get better with time.

Week 16

I had my last PT session this week!  It’s bittersweet. I’m thrilled not to have to go twice a week anymore, but I’ll miss having someone to help me get to the next level.  I can really see the value of having a personal trainer now!

So would I do this again?

Honestly, I still can’t say that I’m ready to put myself through that again.  If it were just the knee affected by the surgery, it’d be a no-brainer. My other knee is already approved for replacement surgery.  But I’m committed to try exercise first to make it stronger, because I don’t want to go through surgery again.  If they could find a way to do it without me having the serious opiate-induced constipation, I would do it now. My right knee is so much stronger and I’m able to move in the garden much better. I’m hoping I can rely on the strength of the new knee, to help support and strengthen the left knee.

Maybe I can say I’m glad I did it, but even that’s taken me awhile. I’m definitely seeing signs that the new knee is going to wow me with the things it can do. I’m surprised at times at the things I can do, and I get mad when my left knee doesn’t match that performance!

Things I’m really glad I had for the surgery

• Support – The Fixer to help me! Kind friends and family who sent Uber Food gift cards!
• Dry Brushes and Fascia Tool
• Hand held shower head
• Anything that brings comfort – lotions, calming scents, things that pamper, good soft slippers and pjs
• Hair scrubber
• Shower Chair
• Grabber to pick things up
• Breg Ice Machine
• House cleaners
• Strataderm scar cream

The Best Scar Cream

My niece, who works in dermatology, told me I should try a scar cream called Strataderm. She said it’s kind of pricey, but worth it if I want to reduce the appearance of the scar.

So I thought I’d give it a try, and wow, I’m glad I did!

Strataderm worked it’s magic and honestly, sometimes I can barely see the bottom part of the scar. When I was at PT they were all astonished at how good the scar looks. So I thank my niece for the tip and highly recommend you pick up a tube on amazon if you want to reduce the visual impact of the scar on your knee. One tube is all you’ll need to change it forever.

Here are my post-surgery scar progress pictures.

Things I didn’t expect from surgery

• Stomach problems
• Emotional distress/depression
• How much I miss sleeping on my side
• How much I miss driving and my independence.
• How tiresome it is to be invalid

Weirdest side effect of medicine/surgery

The oddest things that happened, besides the horrible Opioid Induced Constipation:

• Smell – another embarrassing topic

Was this normal? I don’t know but that putrid odor that I figured out was me was so disgusting! Ugh! Thank goodness I was able to shower freely to help alleviate the smell. The Fixer did laundry daily so I always had freshly washed pajamas. I never understood if I was actually producing more odor (and he was kind enough not to tell me) or was I just super-sensitive to my own smell? As days went by it lessened. Was it a side affect of my body processing meds? Maybe it has to do with age? I don’t know but I’m glad it’s gone!

• Emotional distress/depression

I’ve been on and off anti-depressants in the past.  But I’ve been in a good place mentally in the last ten years and haven’t required meds.  For a few days after surgery, I was overwhelmed with a sense of futility.  When the healing seemed too far away and the garden was dying, the weather was bleak, I just felt like what’s the point of living? It seemed life would never be better.  I don’t want to go to that dark place again and I’m very happy to report it only happened a few times.  But if you’re prone to depression, be prepared for some overwhelming emotion.

I grieved for their suffering – this Uber-empath was too deep

The other emotion that came over me several times was an empathy for others suffering. My mother was extremely healthy until she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  She declined any radiation or chemo and we managed the symptoms over the last nine months of her life.  When I was feeling intense nausea, I suddenly felt her pain and sickness.  I grieved for her suffering in a way I hadn’t felt before.  That would lead me to think about people around the world who suffer through chemo and other medical treatments for months on end.  Rather than feel relieved as I knew mine would soon end, I felt a deep suffering for others.

It came over me again as I was in the MRI machine.  Those horrible sounds of the machine overtook my senses and I equated it to people being tortured.  I just had this horrible sense of the suffering of war and how awful it’d be to have no end in sight.

I think it’s kind of like the Harry Potter Dementors.  It ‘s a sucking of all joy and life out of you.  It nearly caused a panic attack and I’m thankful I made it through the MRI so I didn’t have to repeat it. 

I think it’s a good thing for all of us to have empathy for other’s suffering, but this uber-empath was too deep, too far in.  It’s probably caused from the opiates.  I’m thankful for these strong meds to take us out of extreme pain, but will be so glad never to have them again.

I used to think it’d be so amazing if doctors could wave a wand over you and actually feel what you’re feeling so they could diagnose you. But I now realize what a burden that’d put on doctors and I think it would hinder them from being effective healers.  Knowing the pain would crush them.  Yet it doesn’t crush the survivor.

Post-Surgery Mantra

I have one job to do right now, and that job is to heal from surgery as completely as possible.

My job is not to:

• Worry about my weight
• Worry about who needs me to be babysit, clean, cook, garden or otherwise support
• Rush through exercises and self-care
• Post on social media
• Conduct business

I hope this post has helped you if you’re about to have joint replacement surgery or even if you’re just considering it.  I think that some of these topics are overlooked in the prep for surgery but they’re important to know.

Good luck to you if you are having surgery! And I hope to see you in the garden soon!