You probably think this song is about you…
I’m thinking a lot about vanity lately.
Carly Simon’s voice keeps ringing through my head telling me it’s true…
I am vain.
I don’t like to think of myself as vain. An exaggerated sense of self-importance is an unattractive human trait.
You might ask what’s got me feeling so full of myself these days?
I want to have eye surgery to correct my vision and liberate me from glasses.
Now, maybe this doesn’t sound like vanity to you. And I may not strike most people as vain. I’m not overly concerned with my looks. Sure, I’ll dress for lunch with the girls and maybe even apply a little makeup sometimes, but not often. I feel strange in makeup. It’s awkward on me. And makeup is, after all, just gilding the lily (not vain at all)!
People usually get the un-edited version of me. My everyday uniform, designed for getting dirty, is loose at the waist to ease bending-over, and has lots of pockets to carry garden snips and pieces of twine for tying back strays. It isn’t always the most flattering.
I’ve been dreaming of having elective eye surgery for years. It seems very practical if you can afford it, but a conversation with a friend recently made me question my motivation.
Me: “I just noticed that your husband doesn’t wear glasses!”
Friend: “Nope, never has.”
Me: “That’s incredible. He’s 76 years old and he’s never needed to wear glasses?”
Friend: “Oh, he needs to wear glasses. You should see the stack of readers he keeps hidden around the house! He’s just too vain to wear them in front of people!”
Wow! How could anyone be so vain that they would forego clear eyesight to protect their good looks?
But then I wonder, am I convincing myself that I need eye surgery, when in fact, I’m just vain and don’t want to be seen in glasses?
I never needed glasses as a kid, but the day I turned 40, I suddenly couldn’t see. I was trying to read real estate ads in the classified section of the paper (that’s how old I am) and what I could read the day before was suddenly a blur. I swear it happened over night!
When I got my first pair of glasses, I liked them. I even wore them maybe a little more than I needed. I thought they made me look sophisticated (there’s that vanity again). But now they’re a constant nuisance. They get scratched and bent from gardening chores and slide off from sweat. And they make me look old!
Even my weight loss journey hasn’t been in pursuit of vanity. I’m doing it to reduce pain and stress on my joints. There are many benefits that come along with a ten-pound weight loss including your good, healthy looks, but better looking was never my primary motivator. Reducing thirty pounds of stress off my knees to help me in the garden is my driving force. So that’s proof that I’m not vain, right?
But what about the fact that I’ve tried to hide my disability for years, from friends, from family and from myself. Is that an indicator that I am a vain person? Maybe my Disabled Veteran license plate should read 2vain2limp? No. Disability masking is a much more complicated issue than vanity.
For me, eye surgery is elective and expensive. All it would get me is convenience. And it’s surgery! With all surgeries comes risk. Should I really expose myself to such risk for an unnecessary procedure?
Alright, I confess. I’m vain! I want eye surgery for no better reason than I just want it.
You can’t escape chronic pain
Chronic pain won’t be cured. It can only be tolerated and managed. Every day in every way pain alters your life. Sometimes it’s inconvenient and sometimes it’s incapacitating.
Except for a few joint replacement surgeries, the offending area can’t simply be removed and replaced with something stronger and better. And the joints that can be replaced are not done without complications. You have no choice but to coexist with this pain in your body.
But poor eyesight is one “problem” that’s fixable. You can go to a competent doctor who has amazing technology, and they can give you new corneas that work like a 20-year old’s! Would I turn down the opportunity to replace my other worn-out body parts so easily with such great results? No way!
You probably think this song is about you…
Call me vain, but I’m saving my pennies for some younger eyes!
See you in in the garden!
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