Chronic pain turns me from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde. Well my pain doesn’t do this, my thoughts about my pain do this.
This week I have ridden an emotional roller coaster as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde have mentally committed both to double, complete knee replacement surgery, and I don’t need, nor will I ever get knee surgery. Let me explain.
Mr. Hyde emerges
Looking back at my pain journal, I started the week out with a knee injury that led to days of worse than usual knee pain. My injury was caused by an out-of-control pet which is a future post – Pets and Disability.
My left knee is normally more compliant than the right, but this week, Left Knee was being very contrary, swollen and stiff.
Because I rely on Left Knee to take up the performance slack regularly when Right Knee is misbehaving, it really threw me for a loop when Left Knee refused to help.
I was miserable and in a lot of pain. My planned schedule was constantly interrupted and altered due to knee malfunction. I was parking in the handicap spot. I was using a cane when I walked. I had a knee brace on Right Knee.
Feeling slighted for having to pull all the weight (literally), Lower Back started complaining. When Lower Back stops, everything stops. Oh no, I told myself. I can’t allow this to happen. Knees can be replaced but backs can’t. Suddenly, knee surgery seemed like the easiest and logical thing on earth.
The Mr. Hyde in me was making plans. Would I get them both done at the same time? Or Right first and Left a year later? I live out in the country and the physical therapist has assured me that I will be unable to drive for at least 12 weeks. How will this be possible?
I have a garden and yard to maintain.
I have two giant dogs.
I have triplet grandchildren that rely on me for care every Friday.
I have commitments! How do people do this knee surgery thing?
But the pain surging from knee to back made all these problems just items on a list that would have to be figured out.
The return of Dr. Jekyll
Fast forward to this weekend and the return of Dr. Jekyll.
My knees magically stopped hurting!
Left Knee is still not functioning well and is swollen, but the pain is virtually gone! My knees have returned to the status quo pain that is tolerable in my life. (See my blog post about Pain Tolerance.)
How did I make this magic happen? Along with ice and elevation, I increased my water-soluble CBD oil from 2 doses daily to 4 doses throughout the day. I took daily hot Epsom Salt baths with essential oils and massaged CBD cream onto the knees several times daily. I also made a point to keep it moving to encourage circulation.
So now that the pain is gone, Dr. Jekyll has returned and so has my determination to find alternatives to knee surgery. My goal is to do all the things that promote health and strengthen the knees so that I will never have to go through the trauma and pain of complete knee replacement. I have a renewed sense of finding solutions that do not involve surgery.
But the circumstances are still the same. Only my thoughts about it have changed. I still have one severely arthritic knee and one close behind. I still have two knees that any orthopedic surgeon would say are candidates for total replacement. I still have pain that is intermittently tolerable-to-severe causing me to react as Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde.
Only my thoughts about it have changed.
How do you keep your sanity when dealing with the roller coaster of pain? Do you react and switch personalities? Or do you have emotional tools to keep yourself level-headed?
Having a plan for pain can help you deal ahead of time with the bad days. In my ebook The Truth of Your Pain, I give you some tools to help you manage your mind around your pain and get off the emotional roller-coaster.
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