I love Jim Gaffigan’s bit he does about people asking to try on his glasses. They put the glasses on and then, astonished, they say, “Wow, you really are blind!”
The comment is meant innocently enough, but it feels icky.
During my monthly “therapy session” at the hair salon, my stylist/therapist and I were discussing a situation I recently experienced.
As the conversation went on, she asked “Why didn’t you just (put your anxiety-ridden nightmare here)?”.
“Oh no.”, I responded, “My anxiety won’t let me do that”.
One in five people experience anxiety.
Anxiety, especially social anxiety, is talked about constantly. The word anxiety is spoken so often that we’ve become desensitized to it. We hear someone say they have anxiety, but we don’t listen anymore. And we don’t understand the meaning they give to the word. We think our definition is their definition.
To confuse matters further, anxiety is a normal human emotion experienced by everyone at some time or another. Is the person feeling anxious or do they have anxiety?
As soon as I saw her face, I could tell she was wearing my glasses, so to speak. She was viewing the world through my lenses. Her definition of anxiety was not the same as mine and I had revealed mine in the context of the conversation. I had pulled back the blinds and revealed the crazy in my head and immediately wished I could close them. I was exposed.
Her response was, “Wow, you really do have anxiety! Do you take medication for it?”
She’s a great therapist.
When I first started seeing doctors trying to discover the cause of my chronic pain, I thought of my childhood days of watching Star Trek. I wished the doctor could wave a wand across me and feel what I feel. The doctor would immediately know what was wrong and how to treat it.
But that’s my sci-fi fantasy world. Even with all the hi-tech scientific advances, machines and tests, it still kind of boils down to me using my words to describe what’s been going on in my body, and the doctor filtering those words through their vast knowledge to arrive at a diagnosis.
You have arthritis.
You have chronic joint pain.
There’s nothing that can be done to stop it from advancing.
Get used to it, there’s more to come.
Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.
– Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Unlike poor vision, chronic pain isn’t obviously seen.
But you can see pain in people if you look closely.
You can see it in the lines on their face or the limp in their walk.
You can see it as they favor one leg over another, or gently touch the painful area.
You can hear it in the groan of their voice.
But people don’t always limp, grimace or groan when they’re in pain.
Every person will interpret their affliction differently. Whether it’s mental or physical pain, each person’s journey is their own and affects them in a unique way.
Gardening is an endeavor of observation. You observe the weather. You observe the plant’s leaves, color, and hydration, searching for signs of stress. Your plant can only communicate its needs with you through your eyes.
I’m pretty good at gardening but not that great at peopling.
I’m trying to learn to transfer the skill of gardening to the skill of peopling. To wear their “glasses” for better understanding and hear what they’re saying through what I see.
Don’t let people’s words get lost in a chorus of repetition. Listen and understand.
See what they’re seeing.
Feel what they’re feeling.
Hear what they’re hearing.
This holiday season, try on their pain, without judgement and open up a new world of understanding.
Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Gardening!
Join the community! We’re stronger together.
Join the Pain-less Gardening Facebook group to meet other gardeners seeking natural solutions to chronic pain. Click the image below or visit The Disabled Gardener Facebook page to check it out!
